Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize