And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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