the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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