just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
