I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
whose parrot is this?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
