i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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