ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
