so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
