She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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