i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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