dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
