dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
