how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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