Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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