i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
