Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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