i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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