Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
