Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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