a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize