Can i not drive my cunt home
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
