If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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