If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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