four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
