only if we run a train.
done.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
