false alarm. still invincible.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
