i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
