Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
