Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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