I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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