Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
the liver wants what the liver wants
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
