we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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