I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize