I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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