fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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