Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do vagina's smell?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
