why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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