I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
