you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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