i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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