Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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