So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
