My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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