I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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