My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
