fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
