i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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