after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
