oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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