He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
