I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
