I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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