after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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