the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
