then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
