someone get that fucking seahorse.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
