Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
