i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
