Got a toothbrush?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
