Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
