I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
