Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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