I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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