You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
