So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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