She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
