all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
