i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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