plz talk dirty to me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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