Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
