So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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